christmas song!

кратко определение за човек

куфар с болка

short definition of a human being;
a sorrowful suitcase  

detached

    Through my whole life what always impressed me was the constantly confirmed observation that people’s lives are violently shaped and moulded by their milieu. Their wishes, everyday small talk conversations, ambitions, the struggles of everyday life were a product of nothing else but a narrow minded selfish society, an organ for repression and constraint. The impossibility to detect and to look to this fact with estranged eyes was one of the most painful experiences you could ever have. you don’t have much choice, life knows no borders, no vacuum. You can accept the stark difference between you and your surroundings but in the end, the confrontation which was until a certain moment, perfectly hidden behind a smile, becomes gruesome grimace. A writer should write like a judge writes a verdict, over himself and over the world. and in the end, it is not the judgment which counts, but the motives, because his life should serve as a mean to enforce this judgment. We can not judge the others but only ourselves. No false rhetoric, no vain moralizing, there are a few good stories to tell and verses to remember, paintings to see and music to fill your soul, this is it.  What was my understanding of how should I act and behave, it was only a question of being detached. Detached from the persons you love and admire, from the things which give sense to your life, from places, accepting death and mortality, accept what other people consider as success or failure, knowing always at least three sides of the same story, inserting different perspective. In other words – being detached.  What was constantly chasing me was the sense of loss. People feel it in very precise moments, when they lose a person, after a painful separation when their nature goes through turbulence, unpredictability, they feel exposed to the world, when their secret room has been robbed, turned upside-down and inside out. What people do not know and will never admit that there are persons which feel outside the comfort zone, outside the fireplace, the humanity as a group gathered around this fireplace. They appreciate more than everyone else the comfort, knowing the existence of vast devastating fields of nothingness. Their souls will never be at rest, the world in their eyes is the world, viewed through the eyes of a fly, millions of fragments, no common sense. 
   As I have already mentioned in the beginning, this observation was constantly confirmed.